Conversations

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Dear Roman,
Tonight as I was saying goodnight to you you grabbed my arm and pulled me closer in.

You: Mom, when you were in your wedding costume (referring to a picture of me in my wedding dress) why were you standing next to Nana?

Me: Oh because Nana is my mom and she was at my wedding to Daddy.

You: because Moms go everywhere with their kids right.

Me: Yeah exactly.

You: Even when they are grown up?

Me: Well yes sure if the kid wants them to.

A huge look of relief came over your face and you took a deep breath, let out a smile and continued.

You: Will I be a Daddy?

Me: If you want.

You: I don’t want to. I want to be a firefighter/coastguard/lifeguard/doctor/police boat driver/firefighter/pilot. … and you’ll be with me.

Me: I love you.

Then tears appeared and fear came over your face again.

You: Will you come with me when I die?

Me: Oh Buddy, you don’t have to worry about that. You have a lifetime and I’ll always be with you.

You: When I die I want you to be in the hole with me.

Now I’m practically crying, holding back tears, but trying to stay light and fluffy since it is bedtime and I wasn’t really prepared to talk about death/funeral requests with my four year old.

Me: Sure I’ll make sure I’m in the hole with you. Because remember I’ll always be with you.

You: And you’ll live for infinity years. Because I love you and I want to be with you forever.

Roman, I’m hoping that feeling stays true because I love you more than you’ll ever know.

xo,
Mom

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